Re: Internal resistance

Interesting topic - internal resistance.  Especially when discussing
cold calls -- something that I personally hate and have banned from
our business.  

I note that much of the conversation so far is about discovering the
'why' of internal resistance.  For me, this search for why is a nice
self-reinforcing pattern that allows me to continue to resist doing
what I'm not doing only with a noble reason -- I'm in search of
understanding why I don't do it.

Perhaps because I'm quite skilled at finding yet another branch of
inquiry into my not doing, I've tried to quit taking this 'why' route.
 Because it mostly leaves me in the same place as I started -- still
not doing what I'm not doing.

A strategy that works better for me is to acknowledge my own
resistance -- and take that information as just that, information. 
Given that information, I look at what I want to happen, and what
other avenues are open to me so that I act towards my real objective
rather than continue to avoid the avenue I'm avoiding.

Case in point, cold calls.  

From my past experience as a sales person I know that I do not like
cold calls.  I do not like the rejection -- or the spector of
rejection that I evoke when I go to call someone that I do not know,
does not know me, nor cares about me.  So I've decided that I will not
do cold calls.

However, I do warm calls -- so my avenue is to discover how to warm
contacts.  To do this I do what I like to do -- call or email people
that I like and that like me.  I call people that I find interesting
and talk about my ultimate objective -- finding paying work that is
interesting and mutually beneficial and finding interesting people
that need what I do.  This leads me into wonderful conversations where
I get to hear myself articulate the value and benefits of working with
me in new ways, hear other's ideas on who else they know could really
use my special abilities and then -- and here is the key part -- ask
them to introduce me.  I share with them my disllike for cold calls
(and my dislike at receiving cold calls).  To a person, everyone has
fully embraced and understood my resistance to cold calls (I have not
met even one person who liked them -- some have learned to tolerate
them but none really like them).  

Nearly everyone who has a friend or colleague they think could really
benefit from my work is more than willing to introduce me -- and
wherever possible, I ask that this be in person.  Yes, it requires me
to follow up a few times to make sure the meeting happens.  And, the
best part is that my friend/colleague has provided a great context and
introduction.  Even if there is no work that results, it is another
link on the warm chain that leads to other warm links -- builds the
community that leads to work and introduces me to friends of friends.

When I feel internal resistance, (after a lengthy denial stage -- hey,
I'm human) I ask what it is telling me about myself and then ask 'what
next'.  And use the resistance as a very useful resource to spur more
creative ways of reaching my real objectives.

My most difficult internal resistance is my resistance to
acknowledging my own resistance and accepting it as useful information
about the strategy I'm employing.

Amy

--- In [email protected], Dale Emery
<dale@d...> wrote:
> Hi Laurent,
> 
>  > Is the topic of "internal resistance" also of interest ?
> 
> I'm interested.  It was by exploring that very question that I 
> developed my ideas about the "elements of motivation." 
> Motivation is a combination of:
>     - Expectations about ability (Can I do it?)
>     - Expectations about results (If I try to do it, what will be
>       the results?)
>     - Values (Do I want those results?)
> 
> (See my "Resistance as a Resource" article, especially the 
> section titled "The First Factor: Expectations" section.  If I 
> were writing that section today, I'd call it "Motivations.")
> 
>  > One example of what I mean by "internal resistance" is
>  > resisting something we've decided we should be doing. We don't
>  > do it - "something" seems to be in the way.
>  >
>  > I've observed two instances in myself lately - I know I should
>  > be picking up the phone and making "cold calls" to market my
>  > consulting services, a lot more than I do.  But still I keep
>  > finding reasons not to, or other things that come up.
> 
> I would say that /part/ of you knows you should -- the conscious 
> part.  I believe you have thoughts and beliefs and intentions in 
> addition to the ones you are aware of.  There are other parts of 
> you that want something else, something that these parts believe 
> is not compatible with making those phone calls.  You don't know 
> so much (yet) about those unconscious parts.  You don't know 
> what's motivating them: what they want, what results they expect, 
> their beliefs about what you are able to do.
> 
> When the "resistance" is coming from other people, I recommend 
> curiosity and empathy.  I recommend the same thing when the 
> resistance is internal: curiosity and empathy for those 
> unconscious internal parts and their motivations for you.
> 
> How would you express curiosity and empathy about someone else's 
> motivations?  What happens when you apply those ideas to your own 
> internal resistance?
> 
>  > In another instance, I've been hearing about "mind maps" from
>  > friends, and said I'd probably try them, but I keep resisting
>  > the simple exercise of picking up pen and paper to try them
>  > out.
> 
> Instead of /you/ making a mind map, ask your "internal wisdom" to 
> make one -- either about your resistance to making cold calls, or 
> about your resistance to trying mind mapping.
> 
> Another possibility for understanding your resistance:  Sentence 
> completion.  On the top of a piece of paper, write, "One reason I 
> don't make cold calls is ______"  Then, as fast as you can, write 
> a dozen or more different endings to that sentence.
> 
> I have more ideas about how to explore internal resistance.  I'll 
> leave you with those for now.
> 
> Dale
> 
> -- 
> Dale Emery -- Consultant -- Resistance as a Resource
> Web:    http://www.dhemery.com
> Weblog: http://www.dhemery.com/journal (Conversations with Dale)


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