Re: Internal resistance

Hi Malte,

You provoke my thinking -- thank you.

--- Malte Finsterwalder wrote:

> But for me it's sometimes very hard to find alternatives that I don't 
> resist. Finding out why I dislike something gives me a better position 
> to find alternatives. If I know better why I resist, I know better what 
> to avoid and then I also know better what alternatives are possible.
> 
> And sometimes finding out why I dislike doing something leads to the 
> understanding that I really don't need to dislike doing it. Sometimes 
> the reason why I dislike something is no longer valid. So I can 
> gradually educate myself to not dislike the situation at hand.

Yes, I acknowledge the difficulty in sometimes finding alternatives
that are more alluring.  I ask myself (and this well might fall into
the 'why' category) what I'm really trying to accomplish, and what is
important about doing this, and what that will get me.  And what that
will get me.  And what that will get me.  When I get to a level of
answer that does not elicit the resistance, that is where I start to
look for next steps.  

I think the distinction here is focusing on the foundational 'what do
I want' rather than the 'why do I feel this way' question.  Never one
to categorically do or NOT do anything, of course I engage in trying
to figure out the source of strong reactions.  And learn from myself
in the process.  

As for learning why I dislike something, I've learned about myself
(and this might be very different for others -- I expect) that if I
consciously choose to make up a different story about the thing I
dislike, I can just as effectively short-circuit the dislike as if I
dig back and figure out how the original story came about.

Case in point -- cold calling.  I know that I've long hated picking up
the phone to talk to strangers.  Figuring out why could possibly
entail many years of therapy.  I can make up a 'why' story -- that,
for example, I cold called someone when I was very young and
impressionable and was rejected and decided that I'd never do that
again -- or heard my favorite uncle tell a story about rejection and
how his life was ruined as a result of a cold call.  Either way, it is
only a story. 

I can reframe the story -- whether it is fiction or fact, to talk
about how the cold call rejection saved me from being the victim of my
possible success and delivered me to my current wonderful situation,
or how my uncle's rejection led him into a situation that was better
suited for me.  Neither of these requires establishing the 'truth' of
a fear or resistance.  Only a story -- and a new frame for that story.


Another strategy that I like even better than figuring out a different
story about resistance, is to focus on the times that I have not felt
the resistance and learn from those times.  Even if it almost never
happens -- the fact that it ever does happen provides key information
to how it can happen and might happen in the future.  

Food for thought.
Amy


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