Re: Internal resistance

Chris,  Thanks for your thoughtful comments.

> Amy wrote:
> 
> >When I feel internal resistance, (after a lengthy denial stage -- hey,
> >I'm human) I ask what it is telling me about myself and then ask 'what
> >next'.  And use the resistance as a very useful resource to spur more
> >creative ways of reaching my real objectives.
> >
 Chris Morris  wrote:> 
> I agree with Malte that understanding why I resist is very valuable,
and 
> skipping that step may encourage me to do something different that 
> doesn't address to real reason I was resisting in the first place.

I don't think it is always, categorically, either useful or necessary
for me to understand why I resist.  It does depend.  

Sometimes I resist something just because I don't really like to do it
or want to do it.  Just basic preference stuff -- and I don't consider
that a problem that needs to be solved.  I consider it a feature to be
taken into consideration in designing strategies for accomplishing
what I do want.

For example, I like certain work environments better than others.  I'm
operate with more of a preference towards extroversion.  Since I know
this, I can choose strategies that play to my preference.  I could
consider this a problem, seek to understand why I resist working in
situations where I have little external stimulus, why I am less
productive when I don't have other people to bounce ideas around with,
and go about trying to change myself.  But, bottom line, this seems
like an okay thing to be comfortable with.  If I label my disliking
work in a solitary environment as a problem to be solved, spend time
seeking root causes of this 'problem', I can make myself quite
miserable.  Or I can accept my basic likes and dis-likes as
information about myself and act accordingly. 

snip

> Maybe she can't articulate why she doesn't like cold calls, but by 
> explaining what she does like about warm calls, we can start to see
some 
> more fundamental issues.
> 
> > We can guess at what's missing in cold calls for her: my guess is 
> they're impersonal and lacking in trust. A warm call has an important 
> ingredient -- a thread of trust. "here is the key part -- ask them to 
> introduce me"

First of all, since I'm in the conversation, I'd prefer you write to
me in the first person rather than in the third person.  Thank you for
that, Chris.

Second of all -- the list of things I don't like about cold calls is
very long.  Added to the fundamental reason I don't do them ---because
 I don't enjoy them and I believe that I will be more effective if I
focus on those things that I do well and/ or love, I don't think cold
calls are the most effective way to promote what we do.

Yes, there are lots of folks who think that everyone 'should' do cold
calls.  I disagree with them -- when I let go of this should, my
ability to sell improved. 

In the days that I stayed engaged in trying to force myself to
overcome my resistance to cold calling whether through force or
through self analysis, the cold calling didn't ever work well for me
-- no matter how convincing my story was about why I really did want
to do what I didn't like to do, or how deeply I dug into my deep
reasons for resisting.  

So rather than spend undue amount of effort on understanding why I
dont' like something, I refocus that time and effort on what I do want
and what I do like and leverage that -- I like to get to know friends
of friends (it helps me understand my friends even better), and I know
that they are in a better position to relay what it is about what I do
that their friend may be interested in.
> 
> To me, a cold call is scary because I don't know how (or don't
believe I 
> know how) to effectively initiate a call without any trust in it and
try 
> to sell a person on me, when the very act itself seems to be
untrustworthy.

It sounds like trust is an issue for you.  It isn't for me -- I trust
that whomever I call is interested in finding something that will work
well for them. And I trust that, if there is no real connection or
need, that we'll discover that early and not spend one another's time
further.  I also trust that what I offer has intrinsic value.  I
learned in the first day that I did sales (I worked my way through
college doing sales) that if I don't believe in what I'm selling, I
can't (and I'd argue shouldn't) try to sell it.  For me, this is
related to your comment that "the very act seems to be untrustworthy".  

I did not like the rejection but what I really didn't like were making
unsolicited calls that, to me, are an invasion into people's time and
space.  That said, when I was in college and in a sales position, I
did lots of cold calls -- it was a different situation for which cold
calls were appropriate (selling advertising for the college
newspaper). I didn't resist doing them and was very successful using
them.  

I've learned to trust my own resistance -- as information to pay
attention to for direction.

If I find myself resisting doing something that I really want to do,
that is where I might spend more time considering what is behind the
resistance.  This is where it might be useful for me to focus on the
why to learn from the resistance. 

Thanks for the conversation, Chris.

Amy

Amy Schwab
True North pgs, Inc.
http://www.projectcommunity.com

"Working well together to create exceptional results.
Building on our best selves.
Dealing with the world as it is."


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