RE: Re: Introductions

Dear all,
 
This is my first post and hope it forwards the conversation.
 
Regarding emotional responses and resistance.  There is a school of thought that suggests there are very few "new" emotional experiences for people over the age of about 12 (6 really).... the theory goes that both normal and stressful situations evoke (usually unconscious) emotional memories  of similar situations that happened to us as children and these (again, usually unconscious) emotional memories have a lot to do with how we perceive, react, resist, embrace the moment.  
 
Based on this (albeit brief) premise, I'd argue that emotional response and resistance doesn't "just happen".  Granted, it is very real and experienced in the current moment but given that it's root is in a persons past experience, has little to do with rationally or humanly addressing the present.....the here and now.  Chris makes a valuable point that one is well served to identify their current emotion and notice how it constrains their ability to perform well in the present moment but I think allowing resistant people to get off the hook by saying "this is just how I am" or "this is just how I feel" is surrendering to something that happened to them when they were children and is re-asserting itself into the present moment. This dynamic interference with current time situations (it is my experience) lends a surreal and irrational component that  confuses and makes one forget present truths. 
 
David Flowers
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Chris Morris [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: Wednesday, May 07, 2003 2:08 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [resistance] Re: Introductions


>  > What tools are helpful in clarifying your own fears?
>
> I'd love to hear from some more people about this.
>
> For me, the trick is mostly noticing that I'm fearing something.
>   That's a challenge for me, because I'm often stuck in my head,
> or too busy attacking to notice what's happening inside me.
>
> Once I notice that I'm fearing something, it's often a pretty
> short step to finding out what the fear is.  I simply ask, "What
> I'm I fearing here?"

To broaden this a bit beyond fear, I ask myself "What am I feeling?" This
was a core diagnostic in the counseling I went through. They also limited
the responses to one of the eight:

Glad
Sad
Fear
Lonely
Anger
Hurt
Guilt
Shame

... the idea being that at any time how we feel can be broken down into one
or more of these eight - like the Periodic Table of Elements for the heart.
We have many adjectives to describe feelings, but I've found this list never
lacking. (BTW, if anyone has a formal reference for this list of eight, I'd
appreciate it). Usually the adjectives are good at describing combinations
of feelings (eg: excitement
-> glad plus a touch of fear) and good at describing amount of feeling (eg:
annoyed -> small anger || furious -> large anger), but breaking down to the
basics can be helpful to pick apart what's going on.

I believe that emotions are a nervous system to my beliefs. Whenever any
interaction with my beliefs occurs, one or more of the basic eight are
triggered. And they're automatic. I don't control what I feel, emotions just
happen. I find my emotions to be very reliable -- not for guiding me to
where I need to be, but for diagnosing where I am. Knowing where I am is a
crucial starting place.

I find Dale's description of resistance and its usefulness to be very much
the same thing, just different terms.

> Other times it's not so simple.  When I need to explore more
> deeply, I sometimes consult with myself using pen and paper.  I
> write a conversation between consultant-Dale and stuck-Dale.  I'm
> somehow able to switch between the two, and I'm usually surprised
> at what I learn.
>
> One question that pops up a lot in my self-consultation is some
> form of "... and what would happen then?"
>
> Finally, a journal helps.  I haven't journaled in quite some
> time, though.

Agree as well. Journaling, talking out loud, anything that forces me to
communicate what's going on, especially in a 'safe' way where I can
communicate without editing myself. Most likely what's going on is painful,
and editing myself is a form of protection -- a very useful skill in many
cases, but not when I'm trying to figure out what's going on.

Chris
tech: http://clabs.org/blog
arts/faith: http://cministries.org/blog



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