Re: [needs proofread & translation] July newsletter

As I wrote the evening of July 4 (my time, early July 5 European time)
I am proofreading the file you attached.  As such, I am dealing with
xhtml, not a displayed version of your draft of the July newsletter.
(I note that I consider myself a competent amateur proofreader of
English text, but I am not at all fluent in xhtml, and I am not
proofreading the xhtml as such.)  This does give me the opportunity to
proofread the alt text of figures, as in my #1 below.

I am attaching a version of your file that embodies my suggestions.
It is in .odt format, so that both I and you can track the changes
that I am suggesting.

0.5.  "Listen to the latest episode of our podcast and read our news
about Ada & Zangemann and Youth Hacking 4 Freedom"  Insert a period
(full stop) at the end of this sentence.

1.  Alt text of first picture:  "Collage of pictures showing a team
picure with FSFE volunteers"  Replace "picure" with "picture."

2.  Table of Contents:  "thanks to our volunteers we can enjoy now the
book and the movie"  Replace "enjoy now" with "now enjoy".  English
usage.  This agrees with my #3, below.

3.  In heading:  "thanks to our volunteers we can enjoy now the book
and the movie"  Replace "enjoy now" with "now enjoy".  English usage.
This agrees with my #2, above.

4.  "can be also found in Danish as well as the movie."  I suggest
replacing "also found in Danish as well as" with "found in Danish in
both the book and".  This solves several English usage issues that I
don't have time now to discuss separately.  But, as always, I will be
glad to give more detailed explanations of any of my suggestions.  My
rewriting credits the volunteers with both the Danish translation of
the book and the Danish translation of the movie.  If only one of
these is correct, a different revision should be made.

5.  Alt text of second picture:  "White men posing showing Ada and
Zangemann in Danish."

(a)  I assume that you have some reason for specifying that the men
are all White men, so I am not suggesting changing that, although --
especially in a Scandinavian context -- it seems unnecessary to me to
specify their racial identity.  It's your newsletter and your alt
caption.

(b)  I cannot tell that the book being displayed is the Danish
edition, but I assume that it is.

(c)  I suggest replacing  "White men posing showing" with "Four White
men seated around a low round table, three of them holding copies of"
This adds what I think are relevant details, while removing what I
think is an unnecessary reference to the fact that this picture is
posed.  (The earlier team picture was surely also posed.)

6.  "They are all sitted and they are some Ada posters and other FSFE
merchandise around"

(a)  If my suggestions in my #5, above, are followed, I suggest
replacing "They are all sitted and they are some Ada posters and" with
"There is an Ada poster on the table, and some other".  For an
explanation of one detail, see my #6(b)(iii), below.

(b)  If none of my suggestions in my #5, above, is followed, I suggest

(i)  Replace "sitted" with "seated."  English spelling.

(ii)  Replace "they" with "there."

(iii)  Replace "some Ada posters" with "an Ada poster."  As I
interpret the image, there is a single unfolded Ada poster on the
table, showing a considerable throng of people walking, some carrying
signs, with a banner over them.

7.  "and David Heinemeier Hansson.The Danish version of the film"
Insert a space between the two sentences.

8.  "followed by a Q&A and debate with the author, FSFE president
Matthias Kirschner.The book was officially published"

(a)  This is not a suggestion or an objection, but I am curious what
the debate was about.  Was it about the efficacy of grass-roots
activism?  Was it about the young age of the protagonist?  Something
else?  Also, a debate is a very formal kind of a discussion.  Who took
the role of disagreeing with the President of the FSFE on this
celebratory occasion?

(b)  I suggest replacing "president" with "President."

(c)   Insert a space between the two sentences.

9.  "took place in Empire Cinema in Copenhagen"  Insert "the" before
"Empire."  English usage.

10.  "as well as amazing food and Italian home-made ice cream!"  I am
not suggesting any changes, but there are several nuances of English
(or at least my US English) usage that I want to point out here.

The usual spelling of "home-made" is "homemade," without the hyphen.
The unusual hyphenated version suggests that (as may well be the case)
you are emphasizing that this ice cream was actually made in someone's
home kitchen.

Similarly, the positioning of "Italian" before "home-made" rather than
before "ice cream" suggests that this ice cream was made in an Italian
home (not, for example, in the home of an Italian living in Germany)
rather than being ice cream in the Italian style.

https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1494 is still displaying
Italian text.  If you can send an English webpreview, I may be able to
proofread it during my Monday evening, so that any additional
suggestions will reach you during your early Tuesday morning hours.  I
will be busy during the daytime hours all day Tuesday.


On Fri, Jul 4, 2025 at 9:28 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> dear all,
>
> our newsletter is ready for your proofread and translation! We will published it on Tuesday 8 July.
>
> As usual, you can find it here: https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1494 and attached here.
>
> Best,
>
> Ana
>
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